Evergreen Humour

5 Things Not To Do At Your Workplace That Even Minions Approve Of

Written by Faizan Patankar

Update 19/2/14: No 6 Added as a colleague suggested and I agree with it

Inspiration is a like a banana skin – you never know when you will trip on one. I’ve got heaps of work to do as I write this, but inspiration has just barged into my head like my mum when I wouldn’t leave my room for dinner. But then it’s not easy not to like minions. So I thought, could minions give careers advice? Before quickly realizing that they can’t, so daft of me to think they could. Of course they can’t give careers advice, because they don’t speak human language, sigh… 🙁

But I am not one to give up, so me and some minions will tell you of a few things NOT TO DO AT YOUR WORKPLACE. Because they p**s people off superbly.

1. Stop being a kiss a*s

minion 1

I don’t think I need to say any more. You will be found out very easily and even though your boss may give into it, your colleagues will not take to it and when it comes to team-work, you will see that your self-respect depreciates a bit.

2. Stop being a teenager or a “gansta”

minion 3

Now, firstly, I don’t advocate punching someone at work. So don’t try this at work. But you need to stop behaving like a teenager at work. It gets on my nerves when someone puts their fist forward for a fist-pump. Why? Can we not just shake hands and say “good job” or “good luck”? Fist pumps, unless on a sports ground, make you look “Gangsta” (with the spelling mistake). Stop it; I don’t want to put too much effort into trying not to punch someone every time they want to fist pump me. And yes – a high-five is in there, too. I don’t like that in a professional office environment.

3. Stop being loud

minion 4

“What?”, you ask. Yes, I say. Stop being loud and stop laughing loudly. Now, I know laughing loudly makes people think you are a happy-go-lucky person and one that enjoys life. But instead, people look at each other and think, “What a douche”. Just because you’ve had a funny moment in the office doesn’t mean you have to be loud; others are still working and you have to respect that. People who are loud have no regard for someone else’s presence and that is disrespectful.

4. Stop speaking ill about others

minion 5

Honestly, this is very important. You need to stop gossiping and back-biting other people at work, all the time. That comes across as very unprofessional – your colleagues will notice and eventually stop listening to you. Also, stop being an ALARMIST! Stop dissecting every decision made by the company/boss/other teams. If that’s what you like, you are no better than a conspiracy theorist. Sometimes it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself.

5. Stop putting the blame on others

minion 6

People make mistakes; everyone knows that. You can and do make mistakes, but when you do, you should take the blame for it, not find excuses or put the blame onto something/someone else. Eventually no-body will want to get involved in your work or work with you. Start owning up for failures and then discuss with those who let you down how to avoid that situation in the future. Don’t simply blame others all the time.

6. Wacky Out Of Office or Communicator Status

Now, half asleep at 3 am in the morning when I write anything (which 4 hours later is almost always crap) I think I am Shakespeare’s son (sorry dad!) But when I am at work, it’s work. It’s all professional. What I don’t get is people having wacky out of office messages and communicator statuses. These are visible to everyone and what you may find funny will probably not seem the same to the customer or manager who needs your attention urgently. Let’s put it this way, when stuff’s going down the last thing one wants to know is you are on a beach enjoying the sunshine whilst we work our socks off. So be careful with that.

And what do I feel like when I see one of these wacky messages, is animated by the minions below. Thank-you very much minions.

minion spanked

So that’s it, folks. Don’t forget to sign up below for more posts like this. And do share if you like it!

About the author

Faizan Patankar

I started Career Geek Blog in 2011 to share my experience in job-hunting. I now focus on careers industry and blogging is just a tool to share that info. Love hacking careers. During the day I focus on my hobby - Engineering.